I don’t want to sound pathetic but I feel like absolute shit right now. I got really triggered. It’s like communicating with humans triggers me. I don’t know. I’m extremely upset right now. It’s not even just the depression. Everyday I see so much intolerance, self-righteousness, ignorance, and cruelty all around me. It makes me feel sick. I don’t want to live here - I don’t want to live in a world like this.
I try to stand up in attempt to change the world, but it’s too much. I feel like I’m standing alone in this. I almost always seem to hold the unpopular stance. The masses stick together, feed off of each other, and degrade me.
Humanity doesn’t seem to be changing for the better, and it hurts. It really fucking hurts. Even when the hate isn’t directed towards me, I get so hurt. I know I’m an extremely sensitive person - maybe too sensitive for this world. I’m so tired of fighting, only to be mocked and ridiculed. This isn’t only about the stigma of mental illness. It’s about intolerance and a lack of compassion in general. I feel like I’m losing my mind. I was trying to fight for understanding, but they say I look like a fool. And I know I do. Because in their eyes, I’m so, so wrong. People don’t understand me and it’s like I’m getting myself into these hopeless battles and arguments. But I can’t not try.
I never thought I’d do this, but I called the crisis center because I felt really unstable. I’ve been scared of calling them. They said they’d call back an hour ago, but nothing so far. I don’t even know… Honestly, I wouldn’t mind staying at a hospital at this point.
I’m sorry if I sound whiny right now. I’m sorry if I sound overly pessimistic, but I feel like I have good reasons to be so negative. This past week, I’ve been feeling so numb, but I’m breaking down right now. I’m so tired of this world…
Hearing people mock mental illnesses and claim they are just “excuses” for people who don’t want to take responsibility for their “bad habits” make me furious. I want to hit someone. (Maybe that would help knock the ignorance out of them? :/…)
Edit: Fuck, I’m having an emotional break down. I hate this world.
SSTDP #17: “Life is tough. It doesn’t mean you have a disease.”
Of course there is some truth to this; not everyone who faces struggles in life has a disease. However, this is an ignorant thing to say about clinical depression (or any illness, really). While life is indeed tough, it isn’t normal for one to find getting through everyday life challenging. It isn’t normal for one to become exhausted by the simple chores and daily routines of life (e.g. getting up, showering, brushing teeth, etc.). It isn’t normal for one to lose his/her will to live. Depression isn’t a made up illness for those who want to whine about life without working for what they want. If you’re so ignorant about depression that you disbelieve such a condition even exists, be grateful that you only seem to be able to fathom how “tough” life can be without being in the grasp of a crippling, invisible illness.
SSTDP #16: “Everyone gets a little depressed sometimes.”
If everyone experiences clinical depression sometimes, I doubt there would be so much ignorance and inconsideration surrounding this topic. Perhaps everyone feels a little depressed sometimes, but fleeting feelings of depression are different from clinical depression. Being clinically depressed isn’t a feeling. One of the many symptoms of depression is feeling depressed.
I find this statement quite invalidating. When I hear this, it seems like the person is saying, “You’re making a big deal over nothing; everyone goes through it and gets over it.”
Depression is a serious mental illness that takes many lives each year. No, it’s not some little phase that we’re being melodramatic about.
thepicturedictionary asked: Manic depression can bring about hallucinations. I have bipolar disorder and suffer from both audio and visual hallucinations. I just wanted to put that out there for the person who asked. P.S. I love your blog! Im exceedingly grateful. I passed it onto my parents as they have had a difficult time understanding. X
Thanks for the input! :)
very-fancy-detective asked: Have anything for those of us who are depressed and hallucinate? Things said to us, or words of comfort?
Ah, I don’t have very much experience with this. Though, I’ve had this period where I would frequently experience hypnagogic hallucinations along with sleep paralysis. It was terrifying; I’d see and hear scary things while feeling unable to do anything about it. I found that sleeping with the lights on helped prevent that from occurring.
It kind of sounds like you have psychotic depression, but correct me if I’m wrong. Perhaps some of my followers have experienced this as well? Any input? :)